


Best Sellers

by quarterleigh



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, M/M, but it is very very suggestive, somehow there is no actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 14:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15293712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quarterleigh/pseuds/quarterleigh
Summary: Phil is leaving his job at a sex shop, and it's his responsibility to train the new guy.





	Best Sellers

**Author's Note:**

> Did I take the theme 'sex toys' and somehow not write smut? Apparently, yes. Sorry about that.

 The new guy’s name tag is sitting on the counter when Phil walks in. It says DANIEL in the same red, blocky script as the sign above the door. “That’s today, then?” Phil asks his manager, Paul. 

“You know it is. You’re only here a week longer, and you’ve got to get him trained before you leave.” 

“Shoot. I shouldn’t have given you notice. I should’ve just stopped coming to work.” 

“You’re too nice for that,” Paul says, giving him a sympathetic look, “You work in a sex shop and you still say ‘shoot’ instead of ‘shit’.” 

“Swears are inappropriate in a work environment,”  Phil groans. "I don't want to train anybody. I just want to work my daytime shifts like normal, waiting for our one or two daytime customers to show up and playing crossy road on my phone.” 

“I can’t believe you quit before I could fire you.” Phil doesn’t get the chance to pretend to be offended, because the door chime goes off and the new guy walks in. At least, Phil assumes it’s the new guy. It’s certainly not anyone he’s ever seen before, and their daytime customers are almost always regulars, and  _ never _ as attractive as the man who just walked in. 

 “Daniel! Welcome! This is Phil, he’s the guy whose job you’re taking.”  _ New guy, confirmed.  _ Daniel’s eyes widen in panic. “Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t fire him, he’s quitting, the tosser. And he’s going to be training you, so have fun. I’ll be in the back if you need me, which you won’t.” With that, Paul retreats behind the gaudy red curtain, leaving Phil with Daniel. 

“So, Daniel-”

“Dan’s fine.”

“Oh, sorry. Your name tag says Daniel,” Phil says, handing Dan his tag. “I would tell you to ask Paul to change it, but mine has said Phillip with two l’s for three years and he hasn’t fixed that yet, so maybe don’t bother.” Dan barks out an awkward laugh. “So. Want to start with the toys?” 

“Excuse me?” Dan’s face burns a deep red. 

“The toys,” Phil points towards the racks of sex toys behind them. “We’ve got to start somewhere. There’s really no point in showing you how the register works until we’re actually ringing up a transaction, and I promise you there won’t be a customer in here for at least an hour. So, let’s go over inventory, get it out of the way.”

“Oh. Okay,” Dan’s eyes are darting over everything except for Phil. 

“Here, let’s start with dildos and vibrators,” Phil says, walking towards the back wall. “Definitely our biggest market, and our best sellers are going to be right in the middle here, at eye level.” Dan is following along, obviously trying his best to seem unphased while also being incredibly and obviously uncomfortable. “Are you familiar with any of these?” 

“Uh, not- I’m not sure,” Dan stammers. Phil sighs. 

“Dan, you’re going to have to be comfortable talking about these things to do this job. Remember, everyone here chose to be here. I actually  _ work _ here, and now so do you. Paul is going to make you watch a video later about what is and isn’t appropriate, but I promise you nothing you can say to me should make you feel embarrassed.” Dan still isn’t making eye contact, but the red in his cheeks has settled into more of a subtle flush. It’s pretty. 

“Yeah, sorry. Uh, this one is- I know about this one,” he says, picking up a prostate massager from the bottom shelf. Phil feels his mouth goes dry. He’s a professional, and he helps strangers pick sex toys every single day but- he really just wasn’t expecting Dan to go for this particular toy. One of Phil’s favorites. He swallows.

“Oh, good. That’s, erm- very popular with men.”

“Makes sense. I am a man,” Dan says, a hint of teasing in his voice. 

“He jokes!” Dan’s eyes finally rest on Phil and they share a smile. “Now, see if you can sell it to me.” 

“Sell it to you?” 

“Yeah, you’re familiar with it, right? So, pretend I’m a customer, and I’m looking for something for myself. Sell it to me.” 

“Well- it vibrates?” 

“Oh, that seems a little intense, I don’t know if I want that.” 

“Well. This is actually a good one if you aren’t sure because it has a lot of settings, and you can put the vibration on really low and work up to more if you like it. And you don’t have to have the vibration turned on if you don’t want to, it’s still an excellent massager.” 

“There you go! That was perfect! If you get familiar with the rest of these, you’ll be a better salesman than me in no time.” 

“Get familiar with all of them? That’s going to take some time” Dan laughs. 

“Oh, god, I didn’t mean- just, what they can do. You don’t necessarily need, like, personal experience-” 

“Phil, I’m joking. Relax,” Dan says, winking.  _ WINKING _ . 

“Dan! What in the world has happened to you in the last thirty seconds?”

“I guess talking about vibrating prostate massagers loosened me up.”

“Was that…  _ another _ innuendo?” Phil asks, mock scandalized. 

“Oh god, it wasn’t meant to be,” Dan laughs. Once Dan has relaxed, he doesn’t stop cracking jokes. The rest of the day, Phil tries his best to show Dan the ropes (figurative and literal), but nothing really gets done in between the teasing and giggles. They only know to stop when Paul emerges from the back and tells them their shifts ended five minutes ago. 

“We didn’t even get to the clamps.” Dan whines as they walk towards the train station. 

“Wow, you’re like, devastated.” 

“Shut up,” Dan laughs. “I was joking.” 

“Mmm-hmm,” Phil hums, “Sure.”

“No, really. I already know about them anyway.”

“Oh, you do? You have experience?” Phil jokes, but Dan’s eyes go dark. 

“I do. Do you?” 

“With clamps?” Dan nods, seriously. “Well. No, actually.”

“Tsk tsk. You’ve worked here three years and you’ve never tried any of the clamps?”

“Guess not,” Phil shrugs, pretending Dan’s sudden shift in tone isn’t affecting him (or his cock). 

“How much longer are you going to be working here?” 

“Four days.” 

“What if someone comes in during those four days and needs help choosing clamps? How are you supposed to help them?” Phil is speechless. Dan smirks. “Do you need me to train you?” And then Dan leans down ever so slightly, just enough to put his lips next to Phil’s ear and he whispers, “ _Because I will. If you want_.” 

Phil gets off the train at Dan’s stop. 

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr @floralleigh <3


End file.
